__________________________________________________
And now to demonstrate to you the sheer brilliance that is the Oblivious Ape, this is the Mock-Yourself-And-Get-Away-With-It Show!
"Umm, I decided to go to the library today...and it was only till I got there that I realised I forgot to bring along my library card."
Well, that's all the time we have this week! Be sure to stay tuned next week for another episode of the Mock-Yourself-And-Get-Away-With-It Show! Goodnight everybody!
__________________________________________________
Something tells me I need a major blogskin overhaul.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Patootey.
Patootey.
Friday, March 28, 2008
HOO-HA!
HOO-HA!
FINALLY.
THE ERA OF BUTT-ACHES AND 30-SECOND NAPS IS OVER!!!!!
As of yesterday, I am no longer working as an employee of NTUC Income.
And you wanna know what I say to that?
I say GOOD FRICKIN' RIDDANCE.
YESSAH.
Expect more frequent updates from today onwards, although HOW frequent is another story altogether. Just recovered from a particularly annoying case of fever and sore throat. I guess the meds the doctor gave me yesterday were particularly potent; my muscle aches disappeared within an hour of taking the pills.
Gotta poop now. Post-fever gives me the worst tummy runs.
Meanwhile, I'll leave my buddy Optimus Primal here to share with you a few parting words:
THE ERA OF BUTT-ACHES AND 30-SECOND NAPS IS OVER!!!!!
As of yesterday, I am no longer working as an employee of NTUC Income.
And you wanna know what I say to that?
I say GOOD FRICKIN' RIDDANCE.
YESSAH.
Expect more frequent updates from today onwards, although HOW frequent is another story altogether. Just recovered from a particularly annoying case of fever and sore throat. I guess the meds the doctor gave me yesterday were particularly potent; my muscle aches disappeared within an hour of taking the pills.
Gotta poop now. Post-fever gives me the worst tummy runs.
Meanwhile, I'll leave my buddy Optimus Primal here to share with you a few parting words:
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wowza.
Wowza.
It's really hard to believe one month has come and gone that quickly.
But I guess once you're a worker drone, time is of little relevance.
Just to give an insight of what I really do at NTUC Income, here's an example of the calls I make:
________________________________________
ME: Hello, may I speak to Mr / Mrs Bla-bla-bla please?
CLIENT: Yes, speaking.
ME: Uh, this is Hafeez calling for NTUC Income...
CLIENT: Ah, okay...
ME: ...this is regarding your request for a PASSWORD via POLICY ONLINE. (Capitalised for emphasis because I tend to speak a little too quickly over the phone.) Have you received your password yet?
CLIENT: Umm, no.
ME: Okay then, how would you like to receive your password, through SMS, E-mail or post?
CLIENT: Oh, SMS please.
ME: Okay, I just need you to verify with me your home address as well as your NRIC.
CLIENT: Bla-bla-bla...Yadda-yadda-yadda
ME: So we'll send you the password through SMS as soon as possible.
CLIENT: Yup, thank you.
ME: Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
________________________________________
Now imagine this dialogue REPEATED about 100 times a day. PLUS factoring in those difficult customers. Now you should really have a good picture of what this job involves.
Whooptie-do for me.
But I guess once you're a worker drone, time is of little relevance.
Just to give an insight of what I really do at NTUC Income, here's an example of the calls I make:
________________________________________
ME: Hello, may I speak to Mr / Mrs Bla-bla-bla please?
CLIENT: Yes, speaking.
ME: Uh, this is Hafeez calling for NTUC Income...
CLIENT: Ah, okay...
ME: ...this is regarding your request for a PASSWORD via POLICY ONLINE. (Capitalised for emphasis because I tend to speak a little too quickly over the phone.) Have you received your password yet?
CLIENT: Umm, no.
ME: Okay then, how would you like to receive your password, through SMS, E-mail or post?
CLIENT: Oh, SMS please.
ME: Okay, I just need you to verify with me your home address as well as your NRIC.
CLIENT: Bla-bla-bla...Yadda-yadda-yadda
ME: So we'll send you the password through SMS as soon as possible.
CLIENT: Yup, thank you.
ME: Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
________________________________________
Now imagine this dialogue REPEATED about 100 times a day. PLUS factoring in those difficult customers. Now you should really have a good picture of what this job involves.
Whooptie-do for me.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
HOOWAH.
HOOWAH.
Top O' The World, bitches!
WOOHHOO
Green splotches all around, cutting a swath of luminiscence across the mundane concrete jungle.
Yes, people, that was the scene at this year's St. Patrick's Day.
It proved to the TP Latinos first-ever out of school performance (Thanks a LOT, student welfare.) and boy, was it fu-nuckin' fantabulous!
Word of the Month: Fu-nuckin'
Arrgrhh, words fail me at this moment of pure, unadulterated ecstacy.
I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:
WOOHHOO
Green splotches all around, cutting a swath of luminiscence across the mundane concrete jungle.
Yes, people, that was the scene at this year's St. Patrick's Day.
It proved to the TP Latinos first-ever out of school performance (Thanks a LOT, student welfare.) and boy, was it fu-nuckin' fantabulous!
Word of the Month: Fu-nuckin'
Arrgrhh, words fail me at this moment of pure, unadulterated ecstacy.
I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:
Friday, March 14, 2008
HUZZAH.
HUZZAH.
Ooh Ooh!
I have finally possessed Dawn of War: Soulstorm!!!!!
HUZZAH!!!
And now, for the showcase:
I'm telling you, it was HELL uploading these pics.
Now, to enslave myself to the computer again for hours on end. Good times!
I have finally possessed Dawn of War: Soulstorm!!!!!
HUZZAH!!!
And now, for the showcase:
I'm telling you, it was HELL uploading these pics.Now, to enslave myself to the computer again for hours on end. Good times!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Hello.
Hello.
[/START]
[/STATUS: STANDBY]
[/DATA LOG #1354]
[/BEGIN TRANSMISSION.]
Slowly, but surely, I am being assimilated. My arms, these arms, are no longer my own. So are these vocal sound emitters, so-called Vox-Boxes. They serve no further purpose than to utter the same pre-programmed speech files for hours on end.
Freedom. Hmmph. What is freedom? The vague feeling reminiscent of strawberry ice-cream and getting presents on birthdays...No, I don't recall that. I refuse to recall that. This repulsion of one of the most embraced gifts in the history of humanity...I have been converted, to refuse all feeling. Pain, anger, happiness, sadness, LOVE...I serve the Master's will now. I have no use for...'feelings'.
Unfortunately, they left me with a smidgeon of humanity and human intellect upon assimilation. Which is why I am able to record this transmission now. Oh, how I wish they just took it away. Ripped it out, crushed it beneath the treads of their iron feet like they did to heads of the brave Imperial Guard. But no, I am left, nothing more than a shred of the past, and even that with little room for growth, expansion, EXPRESSION! Oh, the torture!
I had a name once, though time apparently erases more than just wounds. A flesh-bound mortal, with the capacity to innovate, act...be FREE! All that has been lost...to the N-tucnomicons; the very embodiment of undying immortality.
Ambassador, they said. Customer Service, THEY said. Well, they will rue the day they ever left this little bit of human consciousness in this vile, un-living shell of a humanoid. My moment will come. Oh, it will. But work must still be done. This transmission is recorded in hopes that someone, somewhere will see this.
I must go.
They are watching.
[/END TRANSMISSION]
Performance's next Sunday, bitches!
Boat Quay...Be there, or be...uhhh, just be there. =D
[/STATUS: STANDBY]
[/DATA LOG #1354]
[/BEGIN TRANSMISSION.]
Slowly, but surely, I am being assimilated. My arms, these arms, are no longer my own. So are these vocal sound emitters, so-called Vox-Boxes. They serve no further purpose than to utter the same pre-programmed speech files for hours on end.
Freedom. Hmmph. What is freedom? The vague feeling reminiscent of strawberry ice-cream and getting presents on birthdays...No, I don't recall that. I refuse to recall that. This repulsion of one of the most embraced gifts in the history of humanity...I have been converted, to refuse all feeling. Pain, anger, happiness, sadness, LOVE...I serve the Master's will now. I have no use for...'feelings'.
Unfortunately, they left me with a smidgeon of humanity and human intellect upon assimilation. Which is why I am able to record this transmission now. Oh, how I wish they just took it away. Ripped it out, crushed it beneath the treads of their iron feet like they did to heads of the brave Imperial Guard. But no, I am left, nothing more than a shred of the past, and even that with little room for growth, expansion, EXPRESSION! Oh, the torture!
I had a name once, though time apparently erases more than just wounds. A flesh-bound mortal, with the capacity to innovate, act...be FREE! All that has been lost...to the N-tucnomicons; the very embodiment of undying immortality.
Ambassador, they said. Customer Service, THEY said. Well, they will rue the day they ever left this little bit of human consciousness in this vile, un-living shell of a humanoid. My moment will come. Oh, it will. But work must still be done. This transmission is recorded in hopes that someone, somewhere will see this.
I must go.
They are watching.
[/END TRANSMISSION]
Performance's next Sunday, bitches!
Boat Quay...Be there, or be...uhhh, just be there. =D
