A Day In The Life Of The Oblivious Ape
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Zoinks!
You'd think I'd be wasting my days away on a beach resort somewhere now that school's (or poly is, for now at least) out, but nowadays some omnipresent feeling's been bugging me.

I'm scared shitless.

This fairytale jig is up, Hafeez my man. I'm slowly realising the futility of my carefree ways right now.

And what sucks worse is the fact that it's those same carefree ways are all I've got left. They're like spliffs and I'm like Kumar. He can't live without his marijuana!

Thinking about the future's starting to scare me now; it's like a choose-your-own-adventure book for me right now. Except it's way less of an adventure and more of a Final-Destination-3 Rollercoaster-Death-Ride-Of-Doom. I have to decide which to do first - work or pursue a degree at a local university. And then I'll have to follow through with that decision. ACH DECISIONS DECISIONS!

It's times like these that you'll wanna need all the emotional and psychological leg-ups you can get. Honestly, from where I'm standing, I don't see many standing around who're willing to offer me that leg-up. This scares me even more.

It's a vicious cycle, I realise. I really hate to invoke this sense of self-pity in me (I tell myself this all the time but I do it anyway; I gotta fill this blog with SOMETHING right?) but with the way life's turned out so far, I really don't know how much longer I can last.

Is it just me, or is the world spinning too goddamn fast that I can't catch up anymore? I try to calm myself down - "Hey dude, take it easy. One step at a time." - and then I look around and I realise it's impossible.

Or maybe not.

Did I tell you I used to love reading those choose-your-own-adventure books?




Maybe this could work out after all.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The "Couldn't-think-of-a-suitable-title" post
It's been 9 months since that night.

Time sure flies by fast, even when you're feeling like crap every single day.

You'd think I'd have gotten over you by now.

Heck, I'd have thought that too.



Fucked up thing is, I haven't.

Just two days ago - on the 14th of February - it would've been the anniversary of the day...the day we both swore affection to each other.



You'd think I'd have forgotten about that too.

Fucked up thing is, I haven't.



Yeah, I may have had a few days where I really enjoyed myself too much to care about what we had or what we might've had...

Fucked up thing is, you never really left my mind.

You were just sitting there, like an unwelcome guest in the house of my convoluted noodle.

I'd have shoo-ed you out, but the conscience....

Goddamn conscience.



I don't know how long this feeling will last, but I'm afraid it won't go away so soon.

Fucked up thing is, I don't feel like I want it to go away.


This needs another shot of chocolate milkshake, damn it.


It's a hit.
So it's been...what, four days since the (unofficial) last day of school?

Wow.

I've spent three years of my life toiling, slaving - and, admittedly, enjoying myself - at an institution that's probably not gonna reward me as gratuitously as it did a decade ago and now all of that just...ends?

Wow.

Make that a double Wow. With extra cheese and pickles please.

Dig my rhymes yo.


It just feels...surreal, for lack of a better description. I don't really know how to feel about all this. When you get used to seeing the same goddamn people for 3 years in a row (and who will be the few closest friends I would have ever made, I'll admit) only to just have that routine jerked away from you in one swift motion...it kind of leaves no room for me to develop any kind of sentimental emotions.

It's kind of sad, you know...to know you're not feeling what others probably are right now. Especially when that emotion is supposed to be hardwired into you and activated when such a situation comes by. You'd think, "Hey, is there something wrong with me?".

In short, you start to doubt yourself. And this would be a highly disadvantageous time for me to start feeling that way about myself. For fuck's sake, I'm heading off to serve the nation in a couple of months and after that...who knows?

You know that pit in your stomach when people ask you "So what are you gonna do after this?" I don't have beef with you people; I just hate the pit. I hate being uncertain; it fucks up my life worse than a Mega McGangbang.

Yeah, try Googling that.

But then, it just hits me. I've held on to a simple principle: Live for the moment.

Granted, it's a pretty unsafe principle to live by, but right now, it's really what works for me.

So fuck uncertainty.

The class is having a gathering on the 24th after my paper, and I'm going. See where we're all going, now that our tertiary education is over.


Then maybe, I'll start missing you guys.




Crap.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010
FINALLY!
I realised that if you don't visit a website regularly enough (case in point: Blogger), Google Chrome removes them from your Most Visited sites.

Like DUH, right?

Which is why I added that 'Case in point' part in.

See?!

Not everything I do is redundant!

Meh. Just an observation anyhoos.

Okay, maybe THAT was redundant.


Okay okay, stay on track, Hafeez.


My Individual Scriptwriting Assignment is finally COMPLETEDDDDDDD.

MUAHAHAHAHA

Sleeping at 5 a.m. for 3 days straight better be worth it!

Or I'm gonna murderlize somebody.




Yeah, murderlize.






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