I'm scared shitless.
This fairytale jig is up, Hafeez my man. I'm slowly realising the futility of my carefree ways right now.
And what sucks worse is the fact that it's those same carefree ways are all I've got left. They're like spliffs and I'm like Kumar. He can't live without his marijuana!
Thinking about the future's starting to scare me now; it's like a choose-your-own-adventure book for me right now. Except it's way less of an adventure and more of a Final-Destination-3 Rollercoaster-Death-Ride-Of-Doom. I have to decide which to do first - work or pursue a degree at a local university. And then I'll have to follow through with that decision. ACH DECISIONS DECISIONS!
It's times like these that you'll wanna need all the emotional and psychological leg-ups you can get. Honestly, from where I'm standing, I don't see many standing around who're willing to offer me that leg-up. This scares me even more.
It's a vicious cycle, I realise. I really hate to invoke this sense of self-pity in me (I tell myself this all the time but I do it anyway; I gotta fill this blog with SOMETHING right?) but with the way life's turned out so far, I really don't know how much longer I can last.
Is it just me, or is the world spinning too goddamn fast that I can't catch up anymore? I try to calm myself down - "Hey dude, take it easy. One step at a time." - and then I look around and I realise it's impossible.
Or maybe not.
Did I tell you I used to love reading those choose-your-own-adventure books?
Maybe this could work out after all.
